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Why Being Too Helpful Is A Huge Turn Off

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Don't Be Too Helpful

 “I was just trying to help! What’s your problem?!”

If so, then why are you agitated right now?

Were you really trying to help?

Or were you actually being intrusive?

Was it an opportunity to show off? Or to gain someone’s approval?

Were you forcing others to accept your significance at the expense of their time, space, resources, and wellbeing?

Being too helpful is not thoughtfulness, generosity, or charity. Rather, being too helpful can be a form of manipulation, a sign of insecurity, or a display of ego.

A lot of men make this mistake with women. Men who run over to correct a women’s form at the gym.  Men who go out of their way to appear protective or caring and makes sure that the woman sees it. Men who uninvitingly perform tasks for women, robbing them the chance to exercise their self-sufficiency.

Sometimes these actions are cute and benign. Other times, when some men expect something in return, it can get very uncomfortable or even dangerous.

I am guilty of literally all of those things above and more. I can tell you for certain, that it has never worked. You have to do the right things for the right reasons.

jar jar too helpful

If you want to go out of your way to be helpful, first ask yourself whether you would help that person if they never knew about it. If not, sometimes it is better to not do the right thing for the wrong reasons.

The repulsive nature of being too helpful is not limited to men trying to impress women. Below, we see an example of fake helpful being used protect insecurities.

As a beginning practitioner of kickboxing, one of my biggest pet peeves when sparring is when I land a combination against a partner of equal experience and that partner stops the match, pulls out his mouth guard, fake congratulates me, and then proceeds to correct me on what I could have done better. It drives me crazy.

That is not that person’s place.  That is the role of a coach or a veteran. Furthermore, the feedback could have easily been handed to me after the sparring session or practice. However, the match was stopped prematurely, not only robbing the chance for me to continue my practice but also robbing my partner’s chance to learn from his own mistakes. That is an example of a bad training partner!

Forrest Griffin thought he was being classy for grabbing the microphone and interviewing his opponent Tito Ortiz after his fight. However, seconds prior, Forrest who actually won the fight had disrespectfully stormed out of the arena believing that he had lost. He pretended to be cute and classy to save face. The world saw right through him.

Being overly helpful is a manifestation of ego. Sometimes, people use helpfulness as a method of establishing a presence –forcing themselves upon others by making others feel obligated to accept them.

We see it with the overbearing authority figure that is determined to remind you who is in charge. We see it in the self-proclaimed alpha male who wants to prove to himself and others why he deserves his sense of entitlement.  We see it in the one friend who “protect us” from having fun because they are not having fun…every single weekend {Winky Face}.

Helping others is a virtue that everyone should have. We should all strive to be more charitable, thoughtful, and compassionate through both our words and our actions. However, we must be mindful that our intentions are pure. We must challenge our egos and dig deep within ourselves to expose our own insecurities.

Remember, helping people is great but doing so with the wrong intentions will go unappreciated and may cause more harm than good.

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